19.04.2012 13 °C
Today was a bittersweet day.
We got horrible news this morning, H is likely to be sent somewhere else. Somewhere significantly more dangerous. If it happens it will have an impact on my family that I can't cope with… I don't mean mentally, I mean in every possible way. It will mean that my little boys will be without their Dad for significant things, like learning to walk, and I will effectively be a single mum of 8 month old twins for a MUCH longer time period than two weeks. It will make two weeks look like a walk in the park. I am now seriously considering heading home with the lads, because I don't have it in me to go it alone for that long. Two weeks was exhausting. I might have joked about it, but I knew it was a means to an end, and that the reward would be a staff job which would have my Husband coming home every night. The world has handed me a big fat FAIL for being so cocky.
To make it worse, when we asked, a week ago if we should be thinking about any kind of re-deployment given the current situation, we were told "they are not thinking about it at this stage", so I powered ahead with leaving Lebanon and coming on holiday. Now, there is a possibility H might actually leave Lebanon before I'm due to get back. This would potentially leave our kids alone in a foreign country without a mum OR a dad. Obviously, that won't happen - I'll have to come home early - but it will be a lot of money down the drain. And I'll miss ANZAC day.
Lots of tears today.
Which sucks, because Istanbul is beautiful. Given what I now know, the leisurely day I had planned became a very intense day of trying to cram as much in as possible. I stood in contemplation in Hagia Sofia. I considered life in the Topkapi Palace and Harem. I wondered about the events that get us to where we are in the Museum of Antiquities and reflected on the fragility of life in numerous mausoleums to dead Sultans.
At the end of my day-of-thought, I discovered a very good way to release a bit of stress is to go and lie in a hot stone room and have it pummeled out of you by a large female Turkish masseuse.
Tomorrow, I plan to see the Blue Mosque and the Basilica Cistern, and hopefully the spice market. In the Mosque, I might reconsider my non-belief in God and send a little prayer to Allah that my Husband won't be going anywhere where his family can't follow. Perhaps you might do the same.